| Gina's profileeugemar strikes backPhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
October 31 Fergie Ferg Love You Long TimeI didn't have a Halloween costume for work today. Why? My costume from this weekend was NOT work appropriate this year. It ends up being ok because not that many people dressed up in the office. This year I decided to go with the ultimate trashy costume--Fergie. She is so foul that it seemed like so much fun to be as gross as she is. I'd never done 'slutty' costume before. I came up with the idea last month while visiting family in LA. We were having lunch at the Olive Garden and I was asking Bianca and Alyssa what they were going to be for Halloween. I was at a loss for ideas and I did not want to be the couple costume that Roger was really pushing for--Hall and Oates. I told Roger I would only be Hall and Oates if he agreed to speak in song lyrics exclusively the entire night. But he didn't want to do that and I certainly did not want to be Oates. I didn't think anyone would know who we were. So when the girls asked me what I was going to dress up as, an idea formed. I wanted to be Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Earlier that weekend Roger and I heard an interview with Fergie on the radio. She is from the LA area, not too far from where we were having lunch. She sounds stupid, shallow and unoriginal. I think she is actually quite repulsive , super trashy and slutty. Roger and I are always talking trash about her. This is partly why I love singing My Humps so much at karaoke. It is such a horrid song, which is usually good for karaoke. She offers completely unoriginal songs, is not talented whatsoever, and of course, she is absolutely disgusting for pissing her pants while on stage. I decided that I couldn't just be any old Fergie. I wanted, no I NEEDED to be the pee-stained Fergie. This was my task.
I thought long and hard about my attire. I wanted it to be recognizably Fergie. So I did some image searches on the internet for inspiration. I couldn't just be the image from the infamous pee-stain concert because the attire was a little too bland and non descript. I knew I needed the following key features to ensure proper Fergie-ness: boots with some kind of shorts or cropped pant; lots of jewelry; appropriately pruney face and smile, some kind of hat (trucker cap, newsies cap, bolero hat, etc) jauntily placed on my head; tons of makeup; midriff exposing shirt or wifebeater; and finally the pee stain. I decided to mimic Fergie's outfit from her performance at the 2006 VMA's. It was a recent event and the image of her plastered all over the tabloids and internet might be familiar to people.
Between our giveaway pile and the Goodwill I was able to find all the clothes I needed. I went to the local beauty supply store and purchased the necessary hair extensions. I borrowed Mark's newsies hat. I was set. The only question was: how to effectively implement the pee stain. Roger and I talked about the pee stain for weeks. What would be the best method? Should I actively try to fake piss myself at the party? I didn't want a wet crotch all night but I wanted the stain to last. Roger suggested vegetable oil, which sounded gross. Finally, it dawned on me. Baby oil. Baby oil would stain and would stay for the night. And if it is good enough for a baby's crotch, it would be good enough for mine.
Saturday night we got all dressed up and ready to go. I applied the baby oil (just a little bit--at the 11th hour I was concerned that the pee stain might be taking things too far and had a momentary panic that maybe I didn't want to be that trashy girl I saw in the mirror). Roger convinced me I needed to go whole hog with the stain. When I got to Beth's I started applying the baby oil to my crotch liberally but the house was dimly lit. After people started to show up at the party, most people got that my costume was Fergie...but most people didn't notice the stain. They only noticed the sluttiness. The only people who knew about the stain were those who either knew about my costume idea in advance, or else they witnessed me applying the baby oil before the party started. It was too dark at the party for my stain to really shine. And the crotch is not the first thing one should be looking at when you are talking to someone or first being introduced.I was kind of bummed that no one noticed the stain without it being pointed out to them. I mean, anyone can do slutty costume. But can you do slutty costume with a huge ass pee stain in your crotch and do it as confidently as Fergie does? That's tougher.
Anyway, I had to keep pointing out my crotch to people during the party (which was really weird and inappropriate re: do I really want to bring people's attention to my crotch?) and I was bummed that it was too dark to see what I thought was a magnificent pee stain. Oh well, I still had fun, but I told Roger the next morning that I had regrets about my costume. Then I saw the digital photos from Chloe and Beth yesterday. Huzzah! My piss stain indeed looked awesome! I feel a lot better about the costume now. The camera revealed the nasty! And then I had an epiphany. You know, this entire time I've been perplexed by Fergie's desire to piss herself while performing on stage. I just didn't get how she could do that. I've spent way too much time thinking about this I suppose. Roger and I talked about it a lot at the time. She is currently the celebrity we love to talk trash about the most. I mean, you wouldn't believe what she's been through :) But it occurred to me that it was probably really dark at the concert when she did the deed. She probably went over to the corner and did her business, but it probably didn't look like much to the naked eye. She probably figured, "it's dark and I'm already wet and sweaty, nobody will notice" . And as she was dancing around and cavorting on stage probably the last thing people noticed was her wet crotch. They were watching her singing and jiggling. Until the flash went off. This must have been what happened to her. The flash revealed the pee! How else can you just piss your pants in the corner and then gallivant on stage without any hesitation. Now that I see the photos, I know that my outfit was appropriately nasty. Next year though, I will not be as scantily clad for Halloween. It was cool and all, but it wasn't as cool as last year's Astroboy. Next year, I need to go for more clothing and less skank. October 30 it is like a cross between chess and herding kittensThis week, I started learning a new facet to Kajukenbo--multiples. Multiples is where you have 3 or more attackers coming at you. Prior to this time, I've only worked on 2-on-1 sparring, where two people are attacking you. There are certain principles you apply to 2-on-1 sparring, like fighting one person at a time, lining up the people so that you don't have to fight two at once, effective targeting, and intention. You never want to fight two people at once, but if you have to, make sure the strikes count. However, I've quickly learned that 2-on-1 sparring is like a walk in the park compared to multiples.
The past two classes I have attended have focused at least a 1/2 hour to the very basics of multiples. The teacher has pulled all of us blue belts aside and have started to focus on the rudimentary aspects of dealing with multiple attackers. This is simultaneously exciting and nerve wracking. I will say that I have been awaiting the multiples curriculum with mixed emotions. This is the essence of Kajukenbo. Up until this point, my only exposure to multiples has been to watch the advance belts during tests. The multiples sections of test are always so intense. Whenever I watch multiples I feel nervous for the tester. A glance around the room often reveals panic stricken faces as they watch the intensity of the 5-on-1 match up. With multiples, you need to make sure you don't engage your attackers or stop moving. If the tester stops or gets grabbed, inevitably the person ends up at the bottom of a dogpile fighting for their life or suffocating and needing to tap out.
Kajukenbo is rooted in street fighting basics (which is one of the things I love most about this particular martial arts style). I love how practical it all feels. I mean, you can practice forms until your face turns purple, but it won't help you out on the street if you get jumped. Self defense, street fighting, sparring, and multiples are the pragmatic components to the style. If it doesn't work in a street fighting context, the founders of our style threw it out. We talk a lot about primary targets, intention, and really understanding the repercussions of a particular kick or strike. We talk a lot about knowing the distinction between techniques that stun, injure, maim, or kill. This is all very fascinating fodder for discussion. It has all become very real to me now because I realized that I am definitely a danger to myself and others.
Before I started training I always thought that if I'd get jumped I'd knee the person in the groin and then run like hell. I guess that is was what I *hoped* I would do...at least not freeze up and allow myself to get jumped. Now I know that the groin is an OK target, but someone can still run after you if you knee them in the groin (esp if you don't have good targeting). But if you gouge their eyes, strike them hard in the throat, and/or give a swift kick to the knees, you are more likely to escape a situation and prevent the person from going after you again. It is all about attacking the vulnerable parts of the body. The goal is still to run like hell if I ever got jumped, but I am hopeful that after 2.5 years of training that I could at least safely remove myself from a scary situation.
I'm at an interesting stage in my training right now. It has forced me to be introspective. It is a transitional period between intermediate and advanced belt ranking. I'm being challenged both mentally and physically every time I enter the training space. Yesterday at blue belt class we talked about the expectations the teaching staff has of us at our rank. At blue belt, you are asked to take responsibility for your training. You need to understand where your power or chi is coming from. You need to become analytical with your training and evaluate your actions. You need to "bring it" to every class and not slack off. You start becoming a role model to the lower ranking students. You know just enough material to be dangerous to yourself and others. You begin to take harder contact from the upper ranking belts. I have found my training to be mentally challenging of late. I am being asked to do a lot of things that are outside of my comfort zone. This is a time where the creativity is supposed to start flowing. I have been more frustrated with myself in class over the past few weeks than any other time in my training. A lot of my frustration will go away with time, as I gain more exposure to techniques and practice. So I am trying to be patient. This is also important. I need to practice, practice, practice. It is no wonder that we lose a lot of students at the blue belt rank. You need to make a big mental leap in order to continue training and advancing through the ranks. I think this is why some people stay blue belts for a long time before they advance..or else they gradually stop training. Basically the teachers are looking for certain qualities out of you that go beyond memorizing the material.
Multiples has offered a whole new way to look at Kajukenbo. It is very nuanced. So far, we've just scratched the surface and have focused on understanding how your movements affect the gang's reactions. Every single person in the gang is tasked with jumping you or grabbing you. Therefore, the goal of the exercises we have done so far is to see how your movement affects the gang's trajectory and movement. For each action you take, there is a corresponding 3-5 person reaction. Step in one direction and you can see how the group fans out. Step in another direction and the whole group surrounds you. It is interesting to see how this dynamic plays out in confined spaces. I mean, if you were in the middle of a field and a gang came up upon you, you should just run away and call for help. But if you are in a confined space and have nowhere to run to, it is actually a pretty good exercise to know how to remove yourself safely from that situation. The goal is to only ever engage one person at a time. If you have to fight, make it quick. A quick punch to the throat, kick to the knee, or eye gouge and then keep moving. If you stop in multiples you will get jumped. You have to be strategic. You have to know what will happen if you cut back. You need to know how to prevent yourself from getting pinned against a wall or corner. If you are about to get pinned, you need to be able to quickly evaluate your situation and then attack. You need to be fast, ferocious, and intimidating. You need to think about it as if you are the attacker, as opposed to the gang being the attackers. You need to figure out who you are going to attack in order to make your way safely out of a scary situation. This is a lot to think about as you move around the room trying to avoid a big group of people who just want to strangle or stab you. My first foray into multiples has been both challenging and invigorating. I have so much to learn.
This multiples stuff does not come intuitively. It has been helpful to analyze my own response to situations. I have noticed that I start to panic and make stupid decisions anytime I get near a wall. I get near the wall and all of a sudden my brain goes "aaah ahhh, ahhh!" and all my careful planning goes out the window. I am normally a confident person, but I enter the multiples arena and all of a sudden I feel very timid and unsure of myself...and that is a weird and disconcerting feeling and the exact opposite of what I need to be doing. I have learned that it is absolutely critical that you keep calm and if you get surrounded fight like a bat out of hell with the goal of removing yourself from the gang's reaches. But choose your battles carefully, be swift, and above all else, go into the fight believing you are the baddest of them all. Otherwise you will get dogpiled and that is where the bruises and injuries happen.
This is what is on my mind these days and my new challenge. I do not normally like doing things that I am incompetent at. Life is too short to feel shitty about yourself. I really didn't like my very passive reaction when I was pinned in the corner during practice. And I have come to realize my less-than-perfect defense mechanism. At this point in my life, I've whittled away at the things that I suck at and just tend to avoid doing them. This is why I do not play sports with balls like volleyball or baseball. I'm not good at those activities. There is no reason for my to feel crappy about myself, so I just don't do the things that make me feel bad about myself. This is why, for example, I don't play The Name Game. Cause I just get frustrated and I don't want to be a poor sport. Best to avoid bad Gina behavior and just not play. I'm not saying that is the right reaction, just what I do. However, with multiples, I am going to have to move past that initial knee jerk reaction. I have to do the multiples drills until I am competent at it. There is no ditching this thing b/c if I don't master this aspect of my training, I will never become a black belt. I am going to have to keep doing multiples for years until I am good at it. I have to beat out the negative demons and just have patience that I will get better at this stuff over time...the delayed feedback will be even better if I just keep at it. The cool thing--it is like a puzzle trying to figure out the patterns in gang movement. I like puzzles. So I have to think about multiples as a puzzle. And, it gives me something to concentrate on in class. And, it is totally safe and I just need to remember that I am there to learn. Not to get frustrated. I need to refocus on my training for the winter. Which is a good thing.
October 25 the many intonations of 'uh'I often communicate through subverbal grunts and sounds. Sometimes I am conscious that I am doing it and other times I come to and realize I'm making the sounds when I hear them coming out of my mouth. I tend to grunt when I am in the comfort of my own home, but sometimes I let the grunting escape at work accidentally. I tend to use "uh" a lot...or "uhnnnn" as my method of subverbal communication. I actually think I could have been an effective neanderthal communicator because I seem to be able to get by just fine with grunting and groaning sounds. Roger seems to understand what I am saying. Here are some examples:
UH 1. Tone = mad or stressed. Sound = "I'm thinking about work"
Probably my most common. It comes in the form of a low guttural sound that is drawn out and comes deep from my center. This is what happens when I am away from the workplace but have let my mind drift to work related functions or stress. Usually associated with a deep exhalation. It means I have thought about something I forgot to do at work, or I am having a super stressful span of time at work and dreading the next day's activities, or even worse, I am rehashing a conversation and/or meeting and realized I did something stupid or inappropriate. I often make this sound when I have finally stopped moving for the day, i.e. while watching TV, sitting on the toilet, or laying in bed. I haven't been doing this in a long time, but I caught myself doing it last night. Let's just say it has been a little rough at work recently.
UH 2. Tone = whiny. Sound = "I don't want to do that" or "Why are you making me do this"
Also commonly used in my tonal vernacular. This is usually me whining about the fact that I don't want to do something but am forced to do it (like a chore), I'm feeling inconvenienced, or I am feeling fussy. Given the whiny nature of this sound, the inflection modulates. Often accompanied with a poo-face.
UH 3. Tone = pumped up. Sound = "I'm a force to be reckoned with"
Typically done in association with a fist pump or triumphant raising of the arms. It is a short 'Uh" sound. It is typically powerful and decisive. This is when I am feeling good about myself. Or I am feeling like a bad ass. Or I am feeling strong and need to release a little. All of the above.
UH 4. Tone = short and clipped, like I might lose my breath. Sound = "Ah! it is too cold in the bed"
This is what happens when fall/winter comes and a certain husband of mine refuses to allow the heat to be turned on until Nov. 1. I love a cozy bed, but when the sheets are all cold I can't help but emit these "Help I'm cold, hug-me-fast-or-I-will-start-moving-vigorously-in-the-bed-until-the-sheets-are-warmed-up uh sounds". This is kind of like the "Crazy Gina" version of "Crazy Roo" You know, when the dog goes for a swim and then she gets all crazy and seems to have lost her mind as she frolics all imbalanced and crazily on the shore? I have that too. And it happens when I enter a very cold bed. Usually I end up grunting until I'm finally warm.
UH 5. Tone = deathly ill. Sound = "What was I thinking?!? I want to die"
See what happens when you drink too much on Friday or Saturday night and don't sleep it off b/c you think you need to go to tai chi or some other martial arts class on a weekend morning? Hangover. Nasty one. This is the sound I make when I partied too hearty and don't understand what my body's limitations are. I make this sound as I putz about the house feeling sorry for myself and/or I am either about to puke or just finished puking. It ain't pretty. I'm done with hangovers. What a waste of my life. I never want to have another hangover again. Then again, ask me how I feel about hangovers after this weekend. October 20 Jam of the WeekI have Justin Timberlake on the brain. I can't help it. His new hit, My Love, has permeated my subconscious. The Timbaland beat is tough. The samples are great. And of course, JT's cutie voice rounds out the song. And-there is the added benefit of TI being on the track toward the end. Another artist I have a soft spot for. The song is like an addiction. All I want to do is shake my hips when I hear this song. It doesn't help that I have been spending way too much time in the truck driving around the region. I now have the song on constant repeat in my head. With 4 hip hop stations at my fingertips, I can get my fix of My Love all the time. This is compounded by the fact that Roger is also jammin' out to this song. We both have for the last week. When we eventually retire down to the basement to watch some TV, the first thing we do is put on MTV Jams to see if we can catch a glimpse of the video. I have husband approved crush time going on! The video is sweet and probably plays once every 30 minutes, so you are bound to catch it. I love the use of 3D objects flying out at the screen. I'm mesmerized by watching him dance. Watching JT dance always makes me think the exact same thing: Britt is a dipshit. From tasty goodness to KFed. How could she? JT must be thanking his lucky stars that he got out of that relationship. For those of you who also had the summer addiction to So You Think You Can Dance, the video is choreographed by this dude Marty Kudelka, and not Brian Friedman, even though it totally has Brian's vibe. October 12 ShowHo's and other musical musingsI’ve been having music on the brain these days. It is probably because I have been spending an inordinate amount of time driving around the region for the past few weeks listening to the radio. With the satellite radio in full effect, I have unlimited musical options at my fingertips. My current faves are Back Spin (the old school hip hop station), the Reggae station (except they play too much music from the Marley family), 1st wave (the 80s rock/new wave station), and HotJamz (which satisfies my need for top 40 hip hop).
Last night we went to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. The concert was pretty good and thanks to some forethought on the part of Woody, we had a good view of the show from the bar area. My only complaint is that they didn’t get on stage until after 11 p.m. and so the show ran late for a midweek concert. They sounded pretty good though. I was surprised at how large the crowd was, but Roger pointed out that this is exactly the type of band the Seattle crowd shows up for…and they have also been getting heavy airplay on KEXP for a year now. I was pleasantly surprised by one of the opening acts—Architecture in Helsinki. They had a whole stage of instruments and every musician (with the exception of the bass guitarist) played multiple instruments. There were at least 3 drum sets. They had a lot of energy and exuberance and I loved how even mid song each band member would run around playing a different instrument. They were great live. I’m also convinced I need a drum machine. Way cool.
I think I coulda been a rockstar. Maybe I missed my calling in life. Forget the fact that I can’t play a musical instrument, don’t write songs, nor do I have a particularly good singing voice. I think I could bring the stage presence though. Doesn’t that count for something? I daydreamed while at the concert last night, imagining what it would have been like to tour, have a random crowd of people go wild when you enter the stage, life on a tour bus, etc. Seems a lot better than being a consultant. Also, if I had a drum machine, I think I could be invincible.
Saw a ‘ShowHo” at the concert last night. A ShowHo is a chick who is a regular in the concert scene. This particular chick seems to be at every concert we go to. It seems every town has an array of ShowHo’s. Usually I see this woman at hip hop shows (she is a fixture at Chop Suey), but I am positive she was at Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. This is the kind of lady who always seems to be up in front on the dance floor. She is also the chick who inevitably gets pulled onto the stage during a hip hop show, shimmying and dancing around without any rhythm next to the artist. I always think to myself “this is what people think about seattle hip hop—white chicks with no rhythm”. I know that is mean, but she does not, in fact, have any rhythm, nor can she really dance, but has no qualms about jumping on stage and struttin’ her stuff. ShowHo’s also have their signature dance move…the move you see them do over and over again while they dance ‘cause they are either moved by the music or else they think the move looks hot. This particular ShowHo’s move is to energetically wave her left hand back and forth near her ear when she is really grooving and *feeling* the music. It is pretty awful.
On the way home we were listening to BackSpin and LL Cool J came on. Man, this guy has been a force in the hip hop scene for over 20 years. He has been so successful at sustaining his career and evolving over time. Rog and I couldn’t even think of another artist who has been as successful for as long as he has. “I Need Love” still reminds me of jr. high dances. All the girls swooned over that song. Also on the way home “What’s my Name?” by Snoop Dog came on. This song, of course, always reminds me of college. While listening to it, I felt moved to lay back my seat and drive like a Lowrider. I was *feeling* the music. So, I laid back in the driver side of the truck, cruisin’ on Rainier Avenue, and singing along with Roger. Um, that lasted all of one block. How can anyone drive like a lowrider?!? Maybe I am too short, but it was really hard to see while driving and I felt like I was going to crash. It made me nervous. Maybe my truck is not made for cruising. Or maybe I’m not cut out for the life of a lowrider. Probably the latter. October 02 five expressions, one weekendApparently, I wasn't that exciting to be around this weekend. I was uber productive around the house, mostly because I was procrastinating about the work I needed to do over the weekend. Whenever I have to work for work on the weekend I find myself exceptionally motivated around the house. But I was ecstatic and proud about my home productivity levels, so much so that I was a broken record about my accomplishments. I almost pulled a muscle patting myself on the back so vigorously.
Roger suggested I could be like a little cupie doll, or maybe talking Elmo, where you push my belly and one of five expressions come out:
"You wouldn't BELIEVE how many bulbs I planted this weekend"
"Those lettuces are going CRAZY"
"Babe, have you seen how TIDY the house is?"
"I love my new exercise room...UNGGHH!" (imagine me punching the air with glee)
and finally, the only other common expression for the weekend, when I was tired of doing things around the house:
"Let's watch ANOTHER episode of Battlestar Galactica!"
What can I say? At least I was happy and not depressed about things...like how hard I have to work or all the driving time I have ahead of myself this week...or the fact that I am STILL at work and I had to miss class tonight. That's ok, I have a big sense of accomplishment from the weekend...and I am totally addicted to Battlestar Galactica, effective NOW. |
|
|
