This week Linc and I took a shopping trip to Costco.  It was good.  I got some lunch supplies for Roger and  I, some baby stuff, and items to put in our new chest freezer.  I also bought a box of individually wrapped snack chips--Doritos, Ruffles, etc.  It wasn't an essential purchase, but sometimes I buy a big bag of chips and they get stale if they aren't closed properly or I forget they are in the pantry, so I figured I should splurge and buy the chips.  I have to make myself a lunch every day, and Roger has been taking a lunch to work, so I rationalized the purchase.  Also, the box has like 8 varieties in it, which I thought was a bonus because sometimes Rog and I have conflicting taste in chips. 

 

Later that evening, Roger derided me for buying individually wrapped chip bags (cause of all the packaging and wastefulness).  Dude! I just bought all this stuff for sandwiches--lunch meat, bagels, bread, etc.  I cannot eat a sandwich without chips.  When I was working, I ate a sandwich for lunch almost every day, and each day I would walk to the deli or PCC and buy a bag of chips to accompany my sandwich.  I NEED something crunchy with my sandwich.  Sandwiches are all soft.  The bread gets stuck behind my teeth. I love the crunchy, salty goodness of some chips.   I like how chips augment the flavor of the sandwich.  And I NEVER put the chips in the sandwich.  I add them into my mouth after I've chewed a bit of the sandwich bite.  If there are no chips I'll settle for crackers.  If I am in dire straights I will pop some microwave popcorn and eat it with my sandwich.  I would rather not eat the sandwich if there is nothing to accompany it.  Even a PB&J needs chips. When I eat a sandwich, I ration the chips to make sure I have a chip bite to go with each sandwich bite.  I am disappointed when I have yet to finish the sandwich but the chip bag is empty.   I have been known to stop eating the sandwich once the chips run out. 

 

I have even determined which chips taste best with which types of sandwiches.  For my palate, of course.   For example, it sounds gross, but the Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles taste really good with a PB&Js and also with an egg salad saandwich.  Plain Ruffles are also excellent with egg salad. Chili Cheese Fritos and Doritos are really great with a Roast Beef, Turkey, Bacon combo.  Rog thinks this is all very weird.  But, I have been like this my entire life. What is a sandwich without chips? 

Living near Lake Washington Blvd and Seward Park, you see your fair share of people exercising every day--bicyclists, walkers, joggers, roller bladers (yes, people still roller blade), and moms pushing strollers.  Being so close to the lake and the Seward Park loop is one of the things I enjoy most about our house.  We've been going for a family walk every day now--Mom, Dad, baby and dog.  It is quite pleasant because the weather has been pretty decent, it gets me out of the house while I heal and recuperate, and the fresh air is good for everyone.  It has been so great having Roger home from work the past 3 weeks so we can get to know the little guy together. 

 

The past couple of walks, while pushing the stroller,  I've been having the "Holy shit, I'm that person" realization.  I"m a yuppy mom about the neighborhood.  As I walk our normal neighborhood routes and loops I can't help but trip out that I am pushing a stroller.  And it is more than just pushing the stroller--I've got the new mom/yuppy attire on as well--sweats or sporty exercise outfit, comfortable walking/running shoes, tech fleece or vest, and a beanie (I don't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes yet so stretchy sweats and comfortable exercise clothes are the attire of choice). It is like, all of a sudden, I've become one of those women that I always see walking around the neighborhood pushing a stroller.  No matter how much I want to rebel against the yuppy label, that's what I am now.  A yuppy, stay-at-home mom, who goes for walks for exercise and pushes a stroller.  It is just so new and different to have this whole set of equipment I need to pull together before going for my daily walk.  It is the same ol' neighborhood--same houses, views, and scenery, but I'm different.  I'm a mom and I have a little boy who is totally dependent on me for food and comfort.  This realization hits home when I push the stroller around the neighborhood.  I can't help but recognize that our lives are going to be different from here on out.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I love being a mom.  I love the little guy, and I can't believe it has only been 3 weeks since he entered our lives.  I can't stop staring at him and being amazed that Roger and I made something so cute and cuddly.  I am really looking forward to raising this kid, and have thoroughly enjoyed my family time with Roger, Lincoln, and Roo.  The daily walk is great for me and baby.  He looks so cute all bundled up in his seat and he really seems to love the movement of the stroller and the brisk air.   I guess it is the recent change in my identity that will take a little time to get used to. 

I've spent more time thinking about, fondling, and caring for my breasts over the past 3 weeks than I probably have my entire adult life. They were merely aesthetic, ornamental lumps on my chest until I had to provide sustenance to a small child.  Before the baby,  they were body parts that were useful during foreplay and sex but mostly things I needed to constrain, bind, or otherwise contain during exercise and work.  Now, all of a sudden, these boobs have a purpose.  They have a function.  It is really tripping me out that I've had these things my entire adult life and yet there was little use for them.  They didn't really 'work' the way they were supposed to until I had Lincoln.  I thought I knew my own boobs, but I really only knew a fraction of their capabilities.  I'm discovering the true nature of my breasts--they are this totally new part of my body that I am getting to know very intimately.  They require care and maintenance to make sure they don't get cracked and damaged.   Now they are working overtime, feeding the little man every 2-3 hours.    When they get full of milk they are rock hard.  After the baby nurses for a little while they get soft and pliable again.   Milk seems to arrive on demand to feed the hungry baby.   It is blowing my mind.

 

I've been feeling very mammalian these days.